LAKE SHORE DRIVE: Add a private plane and you’d really be hitting the trifecta.

The Lincoln Navigator is now so far ahead of the competition it’s hardly even a fair fight. A week behind the wheel of the planet’s finest luxury S.U.V.

“DOCTOR, YOUR CAR HAS ARRIVED,” my assistant announced as I was hunched over a patient in the middle of a periodic oral examination. I wanted to get the exam done as quickly as possible—“your car has arrived” in this instance meant something considerably better than “the Uber is here”—but I reminded myself to stay calm and exude no sense of haste. When I was finished, I hustled out of the operatory and through the front entrance of my office.

I was greeted by two smiling representatives of the venerable old Ford Motor Company, standing next to something very not old: the redesigned Lincoln Navigator Black Label, in a rich hue called “burgundy velvet metallic.” One of them withdrew a sleek key fob with lincoln etched into the metal. A push of the unlock button summoned a brilliant LED light show across the car’s front fascia, showing off the technology that went into the . . . headlights. It’s that kind of vehicle.

The Ford guys wouldn’t let me in yet. They had tricks to reveal. “Doctor, please put the keys in your pocket and walk toward the car.” I did as instructed. The car unlocked itself (prompting that light show again), and the running boards illuminated and dropped down as the side mirror unfolded, projecting a bright Lincoln insignia on the ground. An inconspicuous getaway car this ain’t. It reminded me of Darth Vader’s Imperial Shuttle.

When at last I entered the capacious cabin, as I got situated, I recognized immediately that the Navigator had been benchmarked against Rolls-Royce, in one of whose astonishing vehicles (see “Ghost Story,” Fall 2018) I’d recently spent time for this magazine. Take the Navigator’s passenger dash. No mere storage cabinet, it was a work of art akin to what you’ll find in a Rolls. The portion of it that housed the transmission gear selectors, finished in piano-black veneer—the source of the “Black Label” classification—looked stunning.

I pressed start, and the 450hp twin-turbo V6 roared to life. The display and instrument cluster lit up like the Fourth of July, greeting me with an array of illumination similar to what I’d seen in, yes, that Rolls I’d driven. Adjust the 30-way seats to my liking? Well, sure—but first, how about a massage? I’ve been kneaded and knuckled in massage seats from a variety of auto manufacturers. Dentists love a good backrub, for obvious reasons, and this one was the finest yet. (Throughout the next week, during lunch, my assistants and hygienists took turns sitting in the Navigator just to get worked over.)

Having recently moved my practice to a new location in the Toledo, Ohio, area, I’d been through the process of outfitting it with new operatory chairs. The Navigator’s seats, I am pleased to report, were reminiscent of the finest dental chair you can buy—and it is a measure of the quality these days of both cars and medical furniture that that’s no backhanded compliment whatsoever.

A passionate audiophile, I also judge a car in part by the sheer sound stimulation it can deliver. Here, Bluetooth connectivity was a snap as I put the Revel sound system (by Harman Kardon) through its paces. Deep treble and mid-tones, great bass clarity: Whether your tastes run more to Puccini or Pink Floyd, your ears will be well-accommodated.

REVERSAL OF FORTUNE: They truly thought of everything with this vehicle.

Black Label treatment nudges the price of the Navigator up to around $95,400 from a starting $73,850. It’s worth it. Black Label offers a plethora of upgrades that occupy the Venn-diagram overlap of safety, technology and luxury: lane assist, high-tech surround camera, a selector for a variety of road conditions (swiped straight from Land Rover’s playbook) and many other driver aids.

Over the ensuing week, this mega-SUV and I got to know each other well via some serious sci-fi A.I. machine learning. It came to understand my driving patterns, my shifting, variable temperature preference, seat settings and plenty more. Its power was leavened by grace: Putting foot to floor made the Navigator feel like a cruise ship leaving port in a hot hurry—but gently! Dentists with burgeoning broods, take note: My family accompanied me on a day trip, and my young son was enthralled with the back seats’ roominess and entertainment options.

Demerits? Well, the Navigator’s slightly ungainly rear end could use a little work. (On the other hand, whose couldn’t?) But it was difficult not to get progressively attached to this beautiful beast as the day neared when I’d have to give it back. Move over—literally—Cadillac Escalade: About to pass you on your left is the new king of the road. You too, Range Rover: You both have a lot of catching up to do.

Still, all things must pass, and when the appointed moment finally arrived, I grudgingly returned that glorious key fob, portal to a world of automotive wonders, to the same two kindly Ford gentlemen outside my practice. “Did you enjoy it, Doctor?” one asked. I hardly needed to reply. Few cars have stirred my emotions with their brilliance to such a degree. I handed it over and walked through my front doors. Back to quotidian life. Back to Earth. Patients were waiting, after all.

Dentists love a good backrub, for obvious reasons, and this car’s massage seat was utterly sublime. (Throughout the week, during lunch, my assistants and hygienists took turns sitting in the Navigator just to get worked over.)

A passionate audiophile, I also judge a car in part by the sheer sound stimulation it can deliver. Here, Bluetooth connectivity was a snap as I put the Revel sound system (by Harman Kardon) through its paces. Deep treble and mid-tones, great bass clarity: Whether your tastes run more to Puccini or Pink Floyd, your ears will be well-accommodated.

Black Label treatment nudges the price of the Navigator up to around $95,400 from a starting $73,850. It’s worth it. Black Label offers a plethora of upgrades that occupy the Venn-diagram overlap of safety, technology and luxury: lane assist, high-tech surround camera, a selector for a variety of road conditions (swiped straight from Land Rover’s playbook) and many other driver aids.

Over the ensuing week, this mega-SUV and I got to know each other well via some serious sci-fi A.I. machine learning. It came to understand my driving patterns, my shifting, variable temperature preference, seat settings and plenty more. Its power was leavened by grace: Putting foot to floor made the Navigator feel like a cruise ship leaving port in a hot hurry—but gently! Dentists with burgeoning broods, take note: My family accompanied me on a day trip, and my young son was enthralled with the back seats’ roominess and entertainment options.

SPACE RACE: We bet you’ve stayed in hotel rooms that were less roomy.

GAMING CONSOLE: The obligatory (but highly functional) cockpit command center

Demerits? Well, the Navigator’s slightly ungainly rear end could use a little work. (On the other hand, whose couldn’t?) But it was difficult not to get progressively attached to this beautiful beast as the day neared when I’d have to give it back. Move over—literally—Cadillac Escalade: About to pass you on your left is the new king of the road. You too, Range Rover: You both have a lot of catching up to do.

Still, all things must pass, and when the appointed moment finally arrived, I grudgingly returned that glorious key fob, portal to a world of automotive wonders, to the same two kindly Ford gentlemen outside my practice. “Did you enjoy it, Doctor?” one asked. I hardly needed to reply. Few cars have stirred my emotions with their brilliance to such a degree. I handed it over and walked through my front doors. Back to quotidian life. Back to Earth. Patients were waiting, after all. n

DR. ADNAN AHMED, a graduate of
New York University College of Dentistry, practices in Toledo, Ohio. He last wrote for Incisal Edge about the Rolls-Royce Ghost. Email him at adnannyu@gmail.com.